A Day at the Stash

PREFACE:

The year was 1996. My cousin Lauren, and cousin Dana had rented a few movies from the video store (not RST). One of those movies they had rented was a movie called Mallrats. As I sat down, ready to watch a film I had seen a trailer for once, maybe twice, I had no idea what I was about to get my self into. As the movie started with Brodies dialogue I immediately asked myself, "Why would anyone stick a cat in their ass?" Being 11 years old, such things sounded silly. But once I learned of Walt's gerbil problem, it became clearer. For a movie that was just rented, my cousins surely watched it more than 5 times. As I watched the movie, my cousins continuously reenacted scenes including the first time you see Jay and Bob by the pet store. They knew Jay's little dance, they knew Jay's dialogue, we joked about the Easter Bunny at Menlo Park Mall because it was our local mall, and we surely got a kick out of the fact that old dirty US 1 Flea Market (now Loews Theater) was in a movie of all the things in NJ. As soon as the credits rolled, and the Weezer song hit, my first objective in life (more important than school, faith, and definitely more important than food) was to go to Suncoast Video in Menlo Park Mall and buy Mallrats on VHS. From there on out, I would see every Kevin Smith movie in theaters (not Clerks 2 cause I was in the hospital for that).

Now 1996 wasn't the only first Kevin Smith experience I had. I eventually went back and watched Clerks which became as addictive (if not more) than Mallrats. I was a local comic book shop in Edison, New Jersey called Steve's Comic Relief. For those who don't remember Steve's, it was downstairs by the Shop Rite on Oak Tree Rd, next to Movie City 6. I was in the back area looking at figures. I was with my friend Jeff who was reading comics at the time. A taller dude walked up next to me and started looking at the figures as well. He had long blonde hair, and was sporting a beanie. I laughed to myself and said. "Ha, that dude looks like Jay from Mallrats." I paused for a second, continued looking at old school Police Academy cartoon figures, and looked up again. I had heard the owner talking to someone at the front counter. Now I don't know what made me look up there, perhaps a familiar voice? How could I recognize the voice of Kevin Smith when I've maybe only heard him speak maybe 4 sentences in my entire life. I looked anyway and to my surprise stood a chubby, dark haired, glasses wearing, not so morose looking mother fucker. It was Kevin Smith, and there's no doubt in my mind, that the long blonde haired dude looking at figures, was Jason Mewes. I grabbed my friend, told him who it was (cause I've made him watch the movie hundreds of times) and we ran our asses upstairs to where my mom was shopping at Shop Rite. This was probably the last time I ever ran haha (RIP running skills 1996). She didn't believe us, but checked out, and brought us back downstairs anyways. Jay and Kev were cool enough to shake our hands, and sign autographs for us. Shameful to admit I was star struck, to think that these dudes would come to my local comic book shop is crazy. In my eyes they were big Hollywood actors. I was afraid to go inside and talk to Kevin, but I shook his hand. I was only 11 years old, and I was the biggest pussy in the world. 

It wouldn't be for another 16 years, and 7+ hours of waiting in line that I got to meet the man whom I appreciated and had respect for. Not to mention some kind of envy being that he's fat, successful, has a gorgeous wife, a kid, and people just love him. 

This is the story of my 2nd chance at meeting Kevin Smith, and going face to face with the Man.

The Stash, The Signing, and Batman on Fatman

The day started with Kenny Millroy picking me up. Big deal. We drove to Red Bank, and we got in line. The line we started in was around the building from where the Stash is (picture below). 

We weren't far from the front being that the side of the building isn't that long. After 2 and a half hours (around 2pm when the signing was supposed to start) My legs and feet had started to hurt. It was as long, and busy past 3 days for me so I went in the car... skip to where I was across the street from the Secret Stash at Starbucks. I was waiting in Starbucks while my friend Kenny and his GF were standing in line. I quickly left the Starbucks after a scene involving a man who was speaking rather loudly about an incident at a restaurant down the street where he locked himself in the bathroom or something. He then repeated the same stuff into a recorder. He kept getting louder and louder. That was my queue to leave before he pulled out a gun or something. I left the Starbucks and stood outside across the street. My friends were stuck in the same spot for a few hours. Though they may have moved up a few inches during that time, it wasn't anything to be excited about. While standing outside of the Starbucks there was a man by the name of Mark Bonamo approached me about the signing and interviewed me for NJ.com. The link is Media Mogul Kevin Smith Rocks Red Bank. 

I sat on a bench for the remainder of the time til the line started moving faster. While sitting there I was able to meet some of the Red Bank locals. I may have been asked what was going on at least 50 times. It's amazing how these people have no idea who Kevin Smith was. When these ill-informed residents of NJ took a stab at who Kevin Smith was I got all kinds of guesses like: Sports athlete, Lions running back, Dallas Cowboy (my aunt), golfer, politician, and many more I can't think of. It was to the point where if they had to ask, I was going to lie to them. When I was mentioning it was a famous movie director/writer, they asked what movies he did. I said the ones that they should know (Clerks, Chasing Amy, Mallrats). Nope they were clueless. Then I went with a more popular movie title, "Jersey Girl." They surely knew that one with Mr. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. There was even a group of kids who asked, and when I mentioned said movies above, they were clueless, but they did remember him from Degrassi haha. After a while started lying to people. I was telling them all kinds of things.

"Yeah, Tiger Woods is signing his new Super Hero Golfer magazine"

"Michael Jackson's kids are inside and they shut down the place so they could shop"

"Governor Christie is using the toilet"

The cops that were behind me were getting a kick out of it. During the time of bench sitting and dealing the Red Bank locals, I was able to meet Mr. Jason Mewes again. He was walking down the street in his  Security outfit in which I started to refer to him has LaMewes, or Mario Lemewses. He shook my hand, and we talked for a brief minute or two before he had to get back in front of the store to film parts for Comic Book Men. Eventually time was getting to be an issue. It was about 6:30 pm and my friends were just on the corner of Broad St. which is probably about 10-12 ft. from where they started. Around this time while sitting on the bench I heard a roar of a crowd that couldn't have happened for anyone else in that town. I stood up, and looked, it was the man himself, Kevin Smith. He decided to speed up the line by having posters pre signed, and he was taking pics with everyone. My big ass got up quickly and rushed to the other side of the road quickly. Thank you RBPD for allowing me to jaywalk (twice!).  While standing in line I realized I needed a camera and the nice lady named Leslie offered to take my picture with her camera and email it to me. So thank you very much Leslie. Standing in line, I was able to meet Walt and Michael Zapcic from the show. I've talked to them plenty of times before because they're the only ones I've ever seen in the store when I go there. I was able to meet Bryan, and I was able to meet Ming for the first time, and Ming gave me a high five then proceeded to hug me. Silly bastard. As the line was moving up, I was getting a bit nervous. I was thinking to myself that I just might pull another stunt like I did in 1996. Have the opportunity to shake the hand, and get a picture with the man named Kevin Smith, and fucking bail out. I was almost positive I became a man within that 16 year gap, but I don't know. I sat down on the chairs outside of Surf Taco, and Kev gave me a look, and I said. "Hey just chilling man, waiting on you." He replied with something like "almost there!" 

So here I am, next in line. My friend Kenny and his GF Kristine are there meeting Kevin already, and I'm watching and thinking about what I should say. He immediately points at my shirt and likes it. My quick wording was yeah, you're Fatman on Batman, and this is Batman on Fatman. AND HE FUCKING LAUGHED!!! I then said, "sorry Kev I'm sweating like OJ at the Verdict line." No idea where that came from, but I said it... 

That picture came next. I thanked for it, and that was the end of the day with Kevin Smith. After that we went into Surf Taco because it was just about 12 hours since I had eaten anything (because I apparently look like a starving mother fucker from that picture). Inside I met Rob Bruce, and talked to him a bit about Season 2. He was a really cool guy and ended up sitting right behind our table. Inside we met a cool dude from Rochester, NY. He does a podcast called Two Strangers One Podcast, and is also an author of a book that was praised by Kevin Smith in which Smith called it a, "million dollar idea." I'm gonna buy the book some time this week. Check it out here Double Jackpot. I went inside, the store for a bit while Kenneth fetched the car, and that would be the end of my awesome day in Red Bank... Not for the night though.

I went home and tweeted Kevin with hopes of getting some kind of respones... and I did.

Aftermath Thoughts

It was a great time. I can't even begin to thank Kenny for helping me out with stuff. He offered to drive, he paid for my drinks, and dinner because I failed to bring cash with me. Meeting Kevin was awesome too. It was surely something I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. Kevin Smith is without a doubt one of the most down to earth people I've ever met. He's like that awesome uncle (is that weird to say?). When he greets you, it's like he knew who you were and hadn't seen you in a very long time. I haven't been around many famous people in my life, but the way he is with his fans is how every celebrity should be. There is no ego. There is no bull shit. It's just an average dude, who did good and all the people that showed up for him was proof that he did something good in his life. He inspires me to continue on with whatever it is I want to do. I want to do something in the writing/comedy world. I almost asked him if I could open with a 20 minute stand up set the next time he was at Count Basie Theater but I didn't want to be that guy haha. 

Ok enough of this rant. Was a great time.

Later folks.